Search, ponder, and pray....

I am thankful for the scriptures, but I am finding that I do not know the references to many scriptures or teachings of our prophets.  Shad and Jer know a lot more than I do, and we realize that there are some things that we will not know in this life.  I think Heavenly Father has always blessed me with a childlike faith because I am a very detailed person, but when it comes to Heavenly Father's plan, as long as I know that he loves me more than I love my own family.....(and I know how indescribable that love is for each one).....I have no problem in trusting that he will make everything right in the life to come.  I am just having trouble with the pain in this life.  I really didn't understand how hard this would be to watch my kid's go through this, while missing Ben myself.  I pray that no one else has to find out.