I wish I had a picture of Sarah Bradshaw to post on this page. A few weeks ago she sent me a link that was from a news special called..."Surviving Christmas as the survivor'. It had some very good advice and it helped me a lot. I only wish I could help Jer and Andrea. We focus on being together as families more at Christmas time....than any other time of the year. I am grateful that my focus is always on my family....so that part stays the same. They are always on my mind...so that stays the same. What I didn't realize is how this grieving process makes us tired and even though we continue on...it is OK to be less hard on ourselves when we can't do everything we have done in years past. I hate to admit it, but for the first time in my life.....I will just feel a little better when Christmas is over...NOT THAT I WON'T BE THINKING OF CHRIST JUST AS MUCH...just to be able to not have so much going on in our lives!
I have decided that we are changed forever. We will never be the same people we were before this tragedy happened. I wouldn't wish this hurt on anyone.....but I think I am a better person. I look at things in an eternal perspective. I am more empathetic than I was before. My testimony has grown. Especially my testimony of the fact that our loved ones are near us and very aware of the things that are going on in our lives.
When I look at pictures of baby Jesus, I think of our sweet Ben and I know that he was too perfect for this world. Would I change things and have him back if I could....of course. Would it be what is best for me....I know it wouldn't because it wasn't part of our Heavenly Father's plan. I keep telling myself..."life is so short.......endure to the end and there will be joy beyond what we can imagine." We live this life to have that day!
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