ANXIETY...IT'S A STRUGGLE.....

I have always felt a lot of anxiety in my life.  I don't know if it is heredity, a result of a dysfunctional family, the pressure I put on  myself to be perfect....probably a combination of all of these things.

The last few years, before Ben passed away, I felt like I had finally gotten to a place where I was doing a lot better.  Shad and I had reminded each other of a saying, "You can't tell me that worrying doesn't help....everything I worry about never happens."  Strangely, we took comfort in that saying....that is until we lost Ben (I qualify that statement...we didn't loose him...he is the one child we know we have not lost.  We just can't see him daily, hug and kiss him, and enjoy him as we will for eternity).  Having said that, it seems that my anxiety has returned with force.  I know that this is a tool of the adversary   He wants us to be unhappy and anxiety robs us of the joys in our lives.  Anxiety makes us, "What if...."  It keeps us from enjoying the happy and good things that are happening in our lives.

I have really been trying to HAVE FAITH...NOT FEAR.   Fear did not stop us from experiencing the hardest year of our lives.  It is just robbing my happiness.  I pray to not live in fear.  I pray for my children and their families to not live in fear.

It really helps if we look at our lives in an eternal perspective.  It also motivates us to do better and try harder in this life....knowing that none of us will be perfect.  I AM SO THANKFUL FOR THE ATONEMENT.  NOT ONLY DOES HE BEAR MY IMPERFECTION....HE ALSO BEARS THE BURDENS OF MY HEART IF I ALLOW HIM.....I AM TRYING HARDER TO ALLOW THAT TO HAPPEN.  I WILL MAKE THAT HAPPEN.  I KNOW I CAN.